01 February 2010

Glow Girl: Football Flirt Series (Girls Guide to "Fantasy" Football)

Superbowl marks the end of the football season much to the chagrin of loyal fans. We wait damn near ALL (exaggerating) year for at least preseason to start and enjoy the short five months of bone crunching, hard hitting football. Is your boy toy, jump off, significant other, etc really into the game and you…..not so much? Wanna learn how to score brownie points with your guy? Here are some glow girl tips to become a football "fantasy!"

1. Respect the game. Men take football seriously much like women take makeup seriously…yeah that serious.
2. Don’t come off ditsy referring to the “blue” team. It’s not cute. The team name/logo is always displayed on the screen. Great way to memorize what team belongs to what color(s) is to use the team name AS the color. (Example- Giants- Blue; Green Bay-Green/Yellow, etc.) I mean you can memorize every MAC eyeshadow known to man…(I’m just saying) In this case New Orleans Saints (Black & Gold) and Indianapolis Colts (Blue/White) are playing in the Superbowl (and it’s the 44th Superbowl to be exact!).
3. If your boo is a die hard fan chances are he has some team jerseys or shirts. Slip one on (just not his favorite one…yikes) that makes you look cute. He’ll love you for it!
4. Wear neutral/soft makeup on game day. That combined with wearing his jersey/shirt…you’ll look irresistible!
5. Wear team color undergarments! (wink)

6. While you’re not expected to know ALL the penalty calls, here are a few that you’ll hear in EVERY game 9 times out of 10:

Off Sides
False Start
Repeat _ Down (the blank is for a number- there are a total of 4 downs in each play)
“Roughing the passer”
Personal Foul
5,10, 15 yard penalties

(all conveniently naughty in nature!)

7. The game is divided into 4 quarters; 12 minutes long each quarter. So don’t ask “when does the game end?” You’ll get the sideye of death. You’ve been warned.
8. Cheer when he cheers…

9. Don’t talk too much about random, inane things during the game. If there’s a play or call you don’t understand and you’re really showing interest in learning- GUARANTEED he’ll take his time to try and get you to understand it!
10. Don’t console him when the team he’s rooting for isn’t winning. He’ll get irritated. Support him by being upset also. (trust me this works)
11. HAVE FUN! Football is a fast paced game that’s chocked full of excitement. When you understand the game more the more exciting it’ll be.
12. Don’t study up on formations, calls, etc and try to sound all smart during the game. You’ll come off like a prick. Stay in your lane.
13. Basic scoring: Touchdown- 6pts, plus field goal kick 1pt (I’ll leave it at that because you’ll be on overload)
14. It’s been proven that a man’s testosterone is through the roof and he’s in a – ahem- great “mood” after a winning game. You’ll be in for a GREAT night (hence the team color undergarments)

15. Secretly enjoy all the husky, muscular, cute men running up and down the field…nothing like a man in a uniform! OWWWWWW! (But don’t you dare open your mouth and openly admit someone is cute….there’s a waiting period for that…after you’ve graduated “learning basics of football.”)

I see you #"69"!!!!!

Bonus: Prepare to snack ALL day. You’ll probably gain 10 pounds by the end of the night…don’t be prissy with your food. Eat up! You’ll burn it off later (wink)


  1. nice list. i hope the ladies study this during the off season. there will be quizzes this august!

  2. Thanks! LOL@study. I LUUUUUUV FOOTBALL! Can't wait for the season to start up again!


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